January 2, 2009

  • The Dictionary.com word of the day is wanderlust.

    I feel that this is appropriate.

    A friend once said that she was planning on joining the armed forces or the peace corps or such after high school, and ever since then, it has crossed my mind every so often. "I would be a good soldier," I think to myself, and somewhere deep under my skin it might be true. On the surface I'm wrong, of course.

    I could never physically hurt someone on purpose. I could not withstand the stress of a soldier's life. I could not be brave in circumstances like that. And I really do not have discipline.

    But, some part of me really wonders if I should do it. After university, maybe. How else will someone like me get any perspective? How else will I pay back what I owe?

    I know there is evil in war and fighting, but I wonder if there isn't also the opportunity to do a lot of good. And a soldier is just another soldier, broken down with nothing left to set them apart.

    Partly, I would like to change who I am.
    Partly, I would like to leave the life I'm in, even if on the other side, this life will be all that I want. I want to want this. (What is "this?" It is everything. All the opportunity, the potential and the expectations.)
    And partly, I am not proud to admit, I would like to live in a world where I am expected to do what I am told, and to do it well. Take my hands and make them useful, that's all I ask.

Red_Queen2000

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